My husband and I have been married for one year and a few months. However, altogether we've been together for 12 years. I am the mother of his children 8 and 6 years old. I feel like I am all that he has because he does not have a relationship with his mother and his grandmother raised him and she's now deceased. I met him when I was in college. I was 19 and having fun. Over the years I've been through so much with this man. I'm trying to teach myself not to blame him, but I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN ANYMORE!!!! He has cheated on me, fathered another child with a woman (child was stillborn), he commutes back and forth to his home town because his business is located there, he's gone for days sometimes weeks at a time, he sleeps with the cell phone on silent. Just recently I found a picture of his ex in his cell phone, we don't kiss, hold hands, and love making has become undesirable. We don't own anything together. No property, no bank accounts, NOTTHING. I'm tired. I've tried to make it happen for us over and over again, I just can't do it anymore. I've tried hanging in there for the sake of keeping my family together, but I AM MISERABLE!!! I want to love again and feel loved. Somebody please tell me am I wrong for wanting to let go....

You are not wrong for feeling this way..But have you noticed the things you mentiond sounds like the both of you have seperate lives. It's hard to love someone when there is no unity when you become married you become one, their is no intimacy and that can also leave the both of you vunerable. Maybe spending quality time together a vacation or something to re- evaluate the marriage and really be honest and tell your husband how you feel.

Role Model, as I am sure you are aware, one person cannot a relationship make! No matter how hard you try, it takes two people to make a healthy relationship work. Just a piece of advice an older person once gave to me: NEVER get with someone or stay with someone out of pity or guilt! That makes for a horrible mess that you will eventually regret and will probably end up resenting the other person for.

If you have done all you know to do to try and keep this relationship afloat without any reciprocation on his part, you have your answer! You need to dream a new dream, shake the dust off your feet, and move on! You deserve to love and be loved and if this man is not giving that to you, then let it go! As Maya Angelou once said "When people show you who they really are, believe them". He has shown you many things as you have posted, so believe what he has shown to you already in this relationship. Sometimes we pray and pray asking God for the answers that we already have! You know what you need to do and I pray you get the courage and strength to do it. There is someone out there who will love you and your children beyond measure. The first person who will do that is God. Turn to him, surrender all, and ask Him to help you through this! He will!

I honestly hope you find the peace, love, and joy you so deserve in this life. I know all of that is found in our heavenly Father, so seek Him first!

Be strong, my sister!

You are not wrong for wanting to let go. I was with my 3 sons dad for 14 years and was abused by him daily;(physically, emotionally, and mentally) This man had cheated on me so many times and I would take him back each time I caught him; but after getting my nose broke and having reconstructive surgery on my nose I let my nose heal for 6 months like the doctor order and when he went back to work offshore for 2 weeks I packed up myself and my babies and left and has not been back since. I have been away from this man 14 yrs now and God is now dealing with him. He thought he would not have to pay for what he did to me all those years but God is putting him through it now. I thank God that I left because had I not left I would not be writing this email because he abused so bad sometimes i thought he was going to kill me. If you don't desire this man any more leave. You will love again and a man will love you the way you want to be loved. I know because I am now living the life. God Bless you

Know that you deserve RESPECT, LOVE & HAPPINESS & do not settle for anything less. "EVERYONE" deserves all of the above. If you've done all you can to hold not only your relationship but you MARRIAGE together, there is only so much you can do alone. Unfortunately, we sometimes allow ourselves to remain in unheatlhy situations. We just settle or it may be other reasons holding us there. Pray & follow your heart. You stated, YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. Now ask yourself, what's holding you there? First, stop feeling sorry for him. You're not the only one there for him because he's sleeping with other women (UNPROTECTED)! He could be living another life altogether been that he's gone for days, even weeks at a time & sleeping with his phone on silent when he does return home. Would he had been as understanding if you concieved a child with another man? Don't allow him to make the decision for you. It may hurt you more if he decides the grass looks greener on the other side. No matter what anyone may say...ONLY YOU know when you've had enough. I wish you happiness Role Model.

Know that you deserve RESPECT, LOVE & HAPPINESS & do not settle for anything less. "EVERYONE" deserves all of the above. If you've done all you can to hold not only your relationship but you MARRIAGE together, there is only so much you can do alone. Unfortunately, we sometimes allow ourselves to remain in unheatlhy situations. We just settle or it may be other reasons holding us there. Pray & follow your heart. You stated, YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. Now ask yourself, what's holding you there? First, stop feeling sorry for him. You're not the only one there for him because he's sleeping with other women (UNPROTECTED)! He could be living another life altogether been that he's gone for days, even weeks at a time & sleeping with his phone on silent when he does return home. Would he had been as understanding if you concieved a child with another man? Don't allow him to make the decision for you. It may hurt you more if he decides the grass looks greener on the other side. No matter what anyone may say...ONLY YOU know when you've had enough. I wish you happiness Role Model.

Role Model.... Let me explain something to you.. For the most part as a wife, you've done pretty much all that you can. I feel that you have gone the extra mile as a wife but it doesn't seem, as though, he appreciates you as a woman. And if you have any respect for yourself, its time to cut your losses. True enough, you do have two beautiful children with this man, but that's not grounds for you to be miserable. We all know that we can't be done until we've gotten our bellies full... And it seems as though, you're there.
   He has cheated on you and had a baby with another woman(God rest the child's soul), but lets be real... how can you ever trust him again. We as women take a lot of bull crap of these men, that we claim to love so much, but its not recipicated back. And he would have left you a long time ago, believe that!!!!!!!!!!! I've learned that men can dish it but can't handle it.
   You've stated that you're no longer in love, he's cheated, and enough is enough... Now your main concern our your children. Explain to them, that they didn't do anything wrong-- to cause the break-up. Because they're going to feel somewhat responsible, because they don't know any better. No child wants their parents apart.
   And lastly, all the things that you have explained to us.... tell him the same things and let him know you're GONE... And let him know that you did once love him and that you will always have a love for him, because he is the father of your two beautiful children-- but that's it. Then you need time to heal from this relationship(emotionally)... Let go and let GOD.... He always has your back, unconditionally.  You know its over, heal my sister.

Love you, Nh2

Well, Role Model, I'm coming in on this topic a little late, but I hope that you do get this and receive it. I am not here to tell you to leave or stay with your husband and you should not let anyone else do so. This decision is only between you, your husband, and God.

Your situation is very hard. There are several questions though. Did you seek God first before marrying this man? Did you seek God before having his children? The problem is, we get married many times because we feel its the thing to do or that's what we want at that time. It is important to consult God before we make any of these decisions becasue if not, the consequence can be detrimental.

Marriage is honored by God and held up highly in His sight. It is so becasue it is such a huge commitment. You have literally become one with this person and you have promised TO GOD to be with this man through all. This is why things like Godly pre-marital counseling and spiritual maturity is very important.

Now, if these things are true for you and you did not seek God first, you must repent to God for your sins. Ask Him to cleanse you and renue your spirit. Make you a new person in His name, so that you can be the woman that He wants you to be. Spend time strengthening your relationship with God. Allow Him to enter into your life and change  you. Once you have realized your strenght in the Lord, its time for you to fight and take what belongs to you. Satan is out to steal, kill and destroy you and your family. If God leads you to leave your husband. You must ask Him for the strength and courage to do so. Do not do this on your own terms. Consult with God first! If God leads you to stay, then you must fight for your family. Our husbands are ment to be the head of our house holds. They are ment to lead us spiritually in righteousness. If satan can get a hold of your husband, he can destroy your household. If you do not want to let go of your marriage just yet, then pray to God for your husband. I pray over my fiance everyday. Satan is out to attack them. Wake up early and lay your hands on your husband. Rebuke satan and his evil doings off of your husband. Your husband does not even realize he is being used! As a wife this is your job. Pray to God for your husband. Take these things that you know are hindering your husband from serving the Kingdom of God and from being the head of your family to God. Let God know your request. Ask God to change your husband only for His glory. Remember, God honors marriage and will honor your requests for marriage.

Again, be strong in the Word. Seek Godly counsel. Do not allow friends and family memebers to influence you even though their intensions may be well, unless you know it is good sound Godly counsel. I would suggest a pastor if you still need direction, but ultimately seek God first. I know He will lead you.

I'm having that same problem, letting go. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years and we have a 2 yr old son together. I'm in an abusive relationship. I finally took a stand when he gave me a black eye in Jan. 2009. I made a police report but end up dropping the charges. At, first I wanted to work things of for the sake of our son. And since I didn't have a father around when I was growing up, I wanted tomake sure that my son had a father around. But, it's too the point that my mom takes his side on everything. She wasn't to concern that he gave me a black eye. It feels like I'm stuck in this relationship. I know that I have to be stronger for my son. But,how!

Amen, I agree with Niecee...know it's a little late but I needed to here that myself. Thanks girl!!!

Enough is enough when you are emotionally an mentally abused. Being cheated on is abuse and its suffient enough for you to leave. This man has issues set apart from you. The holy spirit in your heart has already let you know what you should do. Now do it. God came so that we may have an abudant life, prospering in every area of your life. My suggestion is ask God for forgivness for not trusting in him an listening to the signs before you married this man. Seek counseling. Love your husband or if divorced your ex husband. Love covers a multitude of sins. God will deal with him an his sin..likewise you. I am speaking from experience. I was married at 19 an separated at 21. My husband confessed to me his cheating ways over almost the whole 2 years of marriage. There were signs that i ignored an went through with marrying him anyway. There are always signs. God loves you and wants you to enter into his resting place. He will give you the desires of your heart If you let Him. God bless and love you with the love of God.