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In life many times we become the main agenda. Most of the time we get upset because we think it is about us. Even our prayers are about us. It is a spirit of lust.
Love gives at the expense of the giver (self). Lust takes at the expense of others. Lust is progressive in nature; you cannot satisfy a lustful spirit.
It has been very hard for me in the past to develop lasting relationships. I have been burned many, many times—from childhood best friends to family members. I learned at an early age that at the end of the day, the only person I could count on was myself.
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Love is patient. While it is waiting, it is kind.
I would go through life always second-guessing people and not getting emotionally attached. Eventually it got to the point where it didn’t affect me at all. It was very simple for me to just cut people out of my life and never look back. I learned later in life that the coping mechanism I developed was very unhealthy. I knew that in order for me to walk in the full glory of God, I had to release the bitterness. I had to pray to God to soften my heart and to allow myself to forgive.
I received a message in bible study one day that was very relevant to my situation. I was reminded that we serve a God that is all about relationships. The people closest to us will determine the outcome of our life. Life is built on relationships. Proverb 18:1 says that an unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defiles all sound judgment. You can’t isolate yourself. This celebrates selfishness. We are not made to be dependent but interdependent.
Our highest potential is only realized when we take the risk to believe in one another. We need to become transparent. We don’t need to be involved with temporary relationships.
The following are requirements for a relationship:
- Invite people in your space who can make deposits in your life and in the lives of others.
- Spend time with giving people. It’s not about the amount; it’s about the heart.
- Spend time sowing word seeds into people who are ready to make life changes. Be mindful of whether or not my word is respected.
- Use the term friend lightly. A true friend is always loyal and a brother is born to help in time of need (Proverbs 17:17 TLB)
- Have friends that value God’s word more than relationships. They must be willing to correct you when you are wrong.
- Have someone to walk with that will stand up for you when you are not around. If someone is silent, that means they are in agreement.
- Be around people that will get you excited.
Marriage is the perfect example of a giving relationship. In Ephesians 5:21-22, we are taught to honor Christ by submitting to each other. We, as wives, are instructed to submit unto our husband’s leadership in the same way that we submit to the Lord.
Submission for all of us is a daily challenge-especially for those of us who are used to controlling situations.
If you don’t die to your ambitions, desires, and flesh, you will never walk in the fullness of the glory of God. Likewise, with marriage and other relationships we must consistently strive to live a life of sacrifice as Christ did for us!
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| Let's Talk About Love and Relationships
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If someone were to look at your group of friends today, what will they learn about your future?
Last Post 11 Oct 2009 03:18 AM by yolanda2434. 46 Replies. |
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Princess Ni
New Member
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| 17 Oct 2008 08:28 PM |
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Wow! I can definitly idetify with your situation. Almost a year ago I cut ties with my "best friend" of 14 years. I was with her for the birth of both of her children, a failed marriage and endless family disputes. Like you, I helped her often with her children.Sometimes you don't have to end the relationship totally. Sometimes you can give that person a "break" I feel like I am always a better friend to most.My spirit is very loving and giving. When you feel like you have nothing else to give, it is time to re- evaluate the friendship. On the flip side of that, I have two wonderful friends that I met as adults. Both of these women have my back always. I love them as if they were my mothers daughters. God places people in our lives for a reason and a sesaon. You have to know when to let the season pass. I wish you many blessings. |
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chyenne's mom
New Member
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| 18 Oct 2008 12:57 AM |
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That's a good question...Me personally don't have anyone down in georgia that I can call a true friend. I'm originally from NYC 25 years young and still have some time to go. But, what i realized is that is it me or them and I've come to the conclusion that it's definetly not me. Since I've been down here for the past 7 years I know that I'm a good person at heart I can have a tough shell at times (scorpio rocks). My boyfriend and I are just kind, compassionate, giving, considerate people. When I mean we done helped out family members, friends just everyone and when I tell you that each of them have screwed us and some kind of way. From the brother who's a recovering addict to have several family members want change in their lives and needed a place to stay. To being role models in the community that the kids don't have at home to taking food out of our refrigerator to feed others. It does get frustrating cause it seems like when your down to nothing no one is there to help you out but remember god is always up to something. I had to learn to forgive others and not let the next person miss out on a wonderful relationship because of what the previous person did. It still is a work in progress sometimes I have to refocus because I so easy to get caught up in this insane world. So now I just have to take it one day at a time and just let go and let GOD. |
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CIE
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| 18 Oct 2008 05:28 AM |
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In the natural, one would probably wonder what my future actually holds, seeing that their are not many if any, friends around me in this season of my life. In the spiritual, I would have to say that there is a transformation taking place in my life where my dearest and closet of friends have all seemed to have either made their transitions, changed or just simply are no longer an active part of my life. I must say it's been rather difficult but the more I seek what the universe (God) has as His purpose for me, the more I appreciate the quite, alone time. It's in this time, there is opportunity for asking and being still enough to develop and build a personal a relationship with God. Sometimes we put our trust in self and man and only after the failure, we then seek alignment of how God wants us to pursue. So learning about the future, by faith, is looking bright. I am reminded of the scripture that tells us to press forward toward the mark for the prize....perhaps after letting go of the former things, because I will have changed, having more trust in Him, some of those friends may return, some may not, new friends will certainly come, but the difference or the lesson learned will be to know the difference. |
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toi_r
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| 18 Oct 2008 07:08 AM |
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WOW DeShawn!! I can honestly say that our pasts are parallel. I am sorry that you have had to endure being "burned" by so many, and that you had built up a wall. I have done the same, and am in the process of trying to tear down that wall with forgiveness to so many people. I am also the wife of a Professional Athlete, so it is extremely hard to find "true friends". The task of filtering out those who want to get next to you because of your husband is just so TIRING. THIS is the reason I don't have a "group" of friends that someone would be able to look at. |
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LeLe
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| 19 Oct 2008 01:12 AM |
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First of all, I know that I do suffer with a problem of trusting people. This is why I can truly say at this point that I do not have any "friends". I have associates and I of course have family members with whom I have close relationships with, but outsiders--no. I have been going on a spiritual journey that God is leading, and I have been focusing on this more than anything. I can't deal with phony people, I am humble and I keep it real. I am very outgoing can mingle well in a crowd, very vocal in my professional life, but I do not have a close friend in this world. I have been burned, back stabbed and all sorts of other stuff by individuals who I trusted, who I once considered friends. My life is different now, and I have not found anyone who can enter into my life and have a true understanding of how a friendship to be. I know that no one is perfect, but I care about others too much. My last friend did not like the fact that I wouldn't take her side on everthing. I couldn't help it I am honest, I always look at both sides of the situation and I feel obligated by God to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. If sharing my opinions turns people off, then I know I may never have a close friend girl in this lifetime. I wish it were different though.  |
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Cree
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| 19 Oct 2008 05:06 AM |
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Wow good question. I have 2 bestfriends, whom Im always blogging about. I Thank God for them they are the best friends in the world. LOL They have been knowing me for over 19 years. So they know the back in the day Lacrease, and the *Godgurl* now Lacrease.ROFL Mostly our conversations are about God, and where in the world are we suppose to be at 40! LOL
Lacrease |
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Babi-Gurl
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| 20 Oct 2008 04:24 PM |
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Wonderful topic DeShawn!
About 10 years ago I had a slew of friends who were just that, we were all friends. My best friend was the only one in the bunch that was married, but didn't act like it at all. "You are a reflection of what you like" my pastor would say, but what did he know, was what I was thinking. As time grew, the friends would become even more wild. I was not liking the direction things were going and I decided to bow gracefully out of the group. Pretty soon, more friends did the same. I only have 1 true friend and she is 3 hours away. I do know others, but my husband and God are my best friends. Things I never knew about myself I found out once the "fluff" was gone. I have found out what Babi-Gurl likes and that is what is important to me. |
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Patience Valour
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| 22 Oct 2008 02:34 AM |
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Friendship is a very touchy subject for me. Don't get me wrong ... I am a people person and aimed to find such meaningful friendships with women when I first moved to Jacksonville FL. Most of the women that I have met have said "They have issues with women" themselves... sooo we each feed each other with long handle spoons.
I am not desperate for friendship but it would be nice toi have a certain amount of female support giving and receiving these days. I grew up without a mother... therefore I learned to cope. I recently lost an abusive sister to drugs....again... I learned to cope. Right now the only friend I have is my mate of nine years and Christ Jesus.
Does that mean my future looks bleek and lonely? |
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Gods Child
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| 22 Oct 2008 03:48 AM |
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wow! I don't really have relationship with women because the ones that are from my adult past they are trifling. I have two that I socialize with but since I recently rededicated my life to God I don't really hang with them because they go to places and do things that are not pleasing to God. My mother is really is my closet friend. At times I wish I had some to just have lunch with or shop with. I don't have a sister so I wish I could relate with women better. |
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Blessed1
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| 22 Oct 2008 08:05 AM |
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I must say that I also don't have a group of friends. It's hard because I had good friends growing up but we all went our seperate ways after high school. I was blessed to have known a wonderful woman who is no longer with us but she is in spirit. She died in 1998 suddenly and since then every time I met someone I push myself away from them because I don't want to go through the grieving process again. I know that sometimes you will lose people in your life but it's hard for me cause she knew me better than I knew myself and she would give me good honest advice and along with that she had life experience so how could I not listen to her and respect her opinion. She was the only person I felt I could talk too and suddenly she was gone and I didn't get to say good-bye. I have women that I talk to now but there is a trust issue. I don't feel 100 percent sure that my inner personal feelings are between us so I usually don't share my deep feelings with anyone but my man and God. |
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Keca
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| 22 Oct 2008 11:48 PM |
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I like learning from my friends, so the people that I would consider "friends" must first love the Lord and value themselves and others. I feel that everyone is beautiful and it does not matter what a person has in material, it is what a person has in thier heart that makes them. I am a very private person, my husband and I choose to live a very private life. My best friend is my husband and my younger sister. My circle of friends is my family. I have 1 childhood friend but we are just like sisters too. At work, you would think differently becuase my co-workers feel I communicate wonderfully and that I am the life of the workplace... but that is not at all true. I am in marketing so I get paid to be a great communicator... Laugh! I think that someone would say my future holds a lot of positives because it is very rare that you will ever see me negative about anything. Even though my husband would debate with me about this being true... Laugh! I guess what people see in me is the drive and they see that from those that I hang around an associate myself with too.  |
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Driven in VA
New Member
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| 23 Oct 2008 06:10 PM |
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Deshawn, first I want to say that I think it is a very beautiful thing you ae doing for these girls with your foundation. Young girls need a boost in their self esteem so they wont look to a man to make them feel good about themselves..
hat is a very good question, it made me think hard. Over a year ago I ended a six year relationship with someone I still love with my whole heart to this day. The relationship was bad for me though because it took me through so many changes and has made me cold towards men sometimes. I think iM scared to let down my guard and give somebody else room to be my friend let alone the new man in my life. I am 23 years old and I dont have many friends. My famiily is full of women and are really the only people I deal with. Growing up the people I called friends turned out o be evrything but friends, so I am very careful about who I allow inside my circle. I have two friends who are totally different but like me in so many ways. One iof them are kinda high sadity and she is currently in a relatinship with the best friend of my ex. The other is three years older than me but we bond on so man levels. We instantly became friends when we met and I thnk we will be friends for years to come. We both love the lord but we also have a lot of growing to do spiritually. I have been trying to think of ways theat me and the women around me can empower ourselves and become better women. I know that through God all things are possible, and I pray everyday that our struggles will result in an out pour of blessing that neither of us will have room to recieve. Please pray for us |
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Tito
New Member
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| 30 Oct 2008 08:25 AM |
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Well I thought I had some real friends, but not long ago I realized that I didn't. So If they were to look at who I use to call my friends then they would probably say I have a poor future. I really had to sit and evaluate the associates that I had because things were going all so wrong. I've been talked about, lied on, stabbed in the back, and betrayed by my so call Friends, so I said to myself with friends like that who need them. I'm now surrounding myself with positive people that want something out of life, and people that I can trust. Life is too short for the foolishness, an I don't have time for it nor the drama. |
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Dorina
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| 09 Nov 2008 06:51 PM |
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To have friends is the wonderful way you can leave your life in harmony , because we need a roof to proclame the heritage of GOD, the good things you can help , lisent , carry , to show them you are greatful to be in them life..when they need , when they are sick ...also there are your mirror about your behavior , they can juge you , critisime you ..if you are smart ..you understand them ...that 's love of GOD |
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terersa
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| 10 Nov 2008 04:15 AM |
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When you are a friend you do things without saying a word! things that are done from the heart should not be brought up! because it is done from the heart! if you are someones real freind it is in your action not your words if you do it because you are a friend don't speak on it agian  |
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Mocha
New Member
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| 12 Nov 2008 06:51 AM |
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Friend is a strong word and something that you should not take lightly. My mother always expressed to me growing up, you have many associates and few friends. I truly found that out growing up and even more as an adult.
If someone was to look at my group of friends today, I would say that they will learn that my future is solid. I only hold close friendship with people who will keep me stable and upright. |
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Sharon
New Member
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| 12 Nov 2008 10:49 PM |
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Wow! It seems the older one gets, the fewer friends one needs. I am in that same boat. As I have gotten older, I realize that many of the friendships I established or tried to maintain in my younger adult years were not healthy for me anyway. Not that I was befriending bad people, but negative, needy people tend to drain your spirit.
As I have matured, I now have five (5) true friends that I count as my inner circle. We pray for each other and each other's families, we get together at least once a month for a "girl's night out or in", and we keep each other lifted. We don't talk on the phone 24/7 nor are we at each others homes every day, but we are there for one another when necessary.
I think each of us must define what "friendship" means to us and move accordingly. There was a friend I had at work who is about ten years older than I am and after two years of trying to maintain this friendship, I had to let it go. She was draining my spirit. She is a negative and envious person and is never happy for herself or anyone else. I could no longer allow myself to be in her environment and as difficult as it was, I had to break away. When I did, God sent me a new friend--one who is a breath of fresh air. Do I still communicate with the negative friend? Sometimes, but I take her in small doses and keep moving. I pray for her also for with her disposition, she will never know what it is like to have a healthy friendship with another person.
I also examine myself from time to time to make sure I am not one of those selfish "all about me" friends! I try to be the friend to others that I would want for myself, and, so far, it has worked!
Stay positive ladies,
Sharon |
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Respite1
New Member
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| 15 Nov 2008 03:49 AM |
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Nothing. I can't name one true friend that I have. All of my female friends have stabbed me in the back in several ways. Male friends have all eventually shown exactly why they wanted to "befriend" me in the first place. My husband is not my friend, as he is self-absored and uniterested in truly knowing me. What's a girl to do?...I often feel backed up against a wall. Luckily I have family to talk to, but it would be nice to have a loving friendship with someone who is not blood related.
What in the world does all of this say about me? |
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Prophet Matt
New Member
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| 16 Nov 2008 01:48 AM |
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Hello Deshawn,
First I would like to honor and give respect to you and your husband for all the success in life thus far. Please seek your husband’s approval for me to communicate with you as it is our custom to reverence the husband before greeting the wife. Also tell your husband that eyes have not seen ears have not heard the blessing that God has already gifted unto him. Deshawn I would like to invite you to our social networking site called GodspaceNU.ning.com you can link all of our members to your personal site and add your favor music, pictures and much more. I would like to talk to you about starting a sister foundation here up north. Feel free to contact me at www.Godspacenu.ning.com
President/ CEO Matthew L Haynes
Stay Bless
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Chris
New Member
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| 16 Nov 2008 04:36 AM |
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I am trying to change alot in my life right now, so if you looked at my friends and I have none, my future would look bleak. I had a circle of friends that over the last 8 years I let go. These were not sincere people and as I listened to one of them tell all of the others secrets, I realized that everything I said to her was delivered to another one in our circle of friends. I had women who thought I was not a friend but would spend time with me and then talk about me. I became tired of that and of the pain I felt because of all of the people that I trusted who betrayed me. I closed myself off emotionally and it is has been a daily struggle to learn to trust again. I am alone. There is no significant other or friends that I can turn to. So I pray every day and I trust in God. I believe that he is ready, my life will be filled with people who want nothing from me but to be a friend to me and me to them. |
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